** Tristan Farnon Leisuretown oneliners ** -*-Fundamental-*-
; Time-stamp: "2008-07-30 04:07:45 ADT"
Handy for your ~/.emacs:
(require 'cookie1)
(defun leisure () "Gimme leisure." (interactive)
(message (cookie (expand-file-name (substitute-in-file-name
"~$LOGNAME/wherever/leisuretown.lines"
)) "" "")))
(leisure)
%%
!!! MAKE MONEY FAST !!! OH GOD HELP I'M DROWING IN THE TOILET
%%
"ADOBE" IS ALMOST EBOLA SPELLED BACKWARDS
%%
"BINDIST" CAN ALSO BE PRONOUNCED "BEEN DISSED" WHICH MEANS "BEEN DISRESPECTED"
%%
"FAGGOT" CAN ALSO MEAN A TIGHTLY-WRAPPED BUNDLE OF DICKS!!! I MEAN STICKS
%%
"PAYPAL" SOUNDS LIKE A GAY PORNO DVD TO ME
%%
$$$$ MAKE MONEY FAST $$$$ OH GOD HELP I'M DROWING IN THE TOILET
%%
$$$$ YOU CAN DRAG ME TO THE TRASH CAN WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A GLANCE $$$$
%%
*** FREE chocolate ice cream cones delivered to your ex-girlfriend's lap ***
%%
***FREE*** EMAIL!!!!! IT CANNOT BE!!!! CLICKING HERE EVEN THOUGH IT'S A TRAP
%%
**HOT** TOSHIBA NOTEBOOKS NOW ON SALE IN SOME IDIOT'S GARAGE
%%
**SOB** MY TAMAGOCHI DIED!!! trash can
%%
**SOB** THE POOR OVERWORKED CHILDREN OF OTHER NATIONS
%%
*BONK* OW MY HEAD WITH A BEER BOTTLE
%%
*GAK* THE SWEATSHIRT HOOD PULLED DOWN OVER MY HEAD AND *GLK* THE STRINGS
%%
*POOF* MAGICALLY I TRANSFORM MYSELF INTO SOMETHING AMUSING
%%
*SIGH* PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING ME DOWN THE HALLWAY ASKING QUESTIONS YOU STUPID TOOL
%%
*SPLUTTER* *CHOKE* ALL OVER MY NEW DRESS AND SHOES AND MEMBERS-ONLY JACKET
%%
...:::;;;===((({{{[[[<<< I SAID KILL YOURSELF >>>]]]}}})))===;;;:::...
%%
.:: THESE COLONS AND PERIODS SHOWCASE MY DESIGN SKILLS ::.
%%
[an error occurred while processing this noisy, disruptive ad]
%%
{[[~{{A ~[[A{~[ ???~''?''?~'''??'' DUH NEED FRASH 5 PRUG-IN FOR VIEWING [A[A~[~{[A~
%%
A SPILLED BONG IS JUST A MOPPORTUNITY
%%
A VERY SPECIAL TWO-HOUR SEASON PREMIERE !!!! noose neck snap etc
%%
A&E - 9pm - TRAPPED IN A LAND WITH NO PORN OR TV
%%
A&E 7:00pm: Bill Kurtis puts the "gay" in "Investigaytive Reports" (Cc, Stereo)
%%
About Us! | Clients | Portfolio | Privacy Policy | Blowjobs | Suicide | Heil Hitler
%%
ADD ME TO THE LIST!!!!!! OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE MADE THIS JOKE
%%
Advertisement: DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH
%%
Advertisement: Sprint Introduces Pre-Paid Blowjob Cards
%%
AND THEN YOU WOKE UP AND IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!! THE END
%%
ANY BLOOM COUNTY FANS??? OOP!! ACK!!! killing myself
%%
ANY GALS HERE INTO MUSIC??? BECAUSE I'M A TWELVE-INCH SINGLE
%%
Apply now for INSTANT CREDIT and chop your head off.
%%
ARE YOU JERKING OFF AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM?
%%
Are you overweight or in debt or depressed or just freaked out constantly?
%%
ARE YOU REALLY GAY BECAUSE OF A FREAK TRANSPORTER ACCIDENT??? LIAR
%%
ARE YOU THERE GOD??? I NEED A SNICKERS
%%
Are you tired of living in fear and constantly changing your phone number?
%%
Ask Jeeves: CAN I GET AIDS FROM TAKING A SHIT ????
%%
ASK ME ABOUT THE EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR I HAD WHERE I COULDN'T EVEN GET IT UP
%%
AT THE VERY LEAST I HAVE MY BLOG TO FALL BACK ON
%%
AT THIS TIME I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE URINE IN THE CAFETERIA
%%
BANANARAMA GOT A LOT BETTER AFTER THEY DUMPED BIG-NOSE
%%
BANNER ADS: GUARANTEED TO KEEP THOSE GOD DAMN LITERATURE/ART SNOBS FAR AWAY
%%
BINDIST CAN ALSO BE PRONOUNCED "BEEN DISSED" WHICH MEANS "BEEN DISRESPECTED"
%%
BOSTON WAGES WAR AGAINST CANCER: BOSTON 0, CANCER 80,000,000,000,000
%%
BOTH MY PANTS POCKETS ARE FLOPPED OUT!!! KISS THE BUNNY ON THE NOSE??
%%
BREAK the nicotine habit and smash a car window and steal the CD player!
%%
BUG #39439: MY DONG IS CAUGHT IN A WINE BOTTLE!!! NOT A JOKE
%%
BY PLACING M&M'S INTO A PAPER CUP I CAN PRACTICALLY DRINK THEM
%%
CAN SOMEONE SELL ME A BOOK ON HOW TO GET MY WEBSITE CACHED IN GOOGLE??
%%
CAN WE ALL DO A BUSBY BERKELEY NUMBER WHERE WE LINE UP AND SUCK DICK
%%
CAN'T REALLY SAY WHY I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND (SHOVING YOU OUT THE DOOR)
%%
CATCH THE CYBERWAVE WITH THESE OTHER HOT BLOGS AND HYPERTEXT HOTLINKS....
%%
Caution: Gothic Vampire Zone!!!!>
<
%%
CBS 8:00pm. Will There Ever Be A Rainbow? (Cc, Stereo)
%%
CBS 8:00pm: Murder, She Mentioned (Cc, Stereo)
%%
CELEBRATING THE FIVE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THIS COMPANY'S INCOMPETENCESHIP
%%
CHASING YOU AROUND THE HOUSE TO A REPETITIVE DANNY ELFMAN SOUNDTRACK
%%
CHEERS to separate dorm rooms for boys and girls!!! JEERS to locks/deadbolts
%%
CHILD MOLESTERS AND PEDOPHILES ON THE INTERNET ??? I SIMPLY DON'T BELIEVE IT
%%
CHOCOLATE AND SHOPPING AND BATHING SUITS AND GETTING FIRED
%%
CLEAN UP ON AISLE 2-13
%%
CLICK HERE FOR TEN MILLION POP-UP WINDOWS ABOUT FORD TRUCKS AND THE X-10
%%
Click here for your free Pepsi One Infotainment calendar! *BLAM* dead forever
%%
Click here for your FREE trial issue of Yahoo Internet Life! CAUTION: 100% ANAL SEX
%%
Click here to help build another Starbucks, Noah's Bagels, Jamba Juice or Old Navy!
%%
CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE ELITE UNDERGROUND MONEY SPENDING WEBRING
%%
CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT TEENAGE GIRLS AND LAXATIVE ABUSE
%%
Click here to stop terrorism around the globe once and for all.
%%
Click here to support mandatory prayer in public schools!
%%
CLICK TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ME!!!IMG SRC="GAY.JPG>
%%
Collect all one million billion plastic iMacs!
%%
COLUMBINE? MORE LIKE COLUMBONG!!! hglbhlgbhglbhglbhth * COUGH * SPLUTTER *
%%
COME WITH ME ON A TRANCELADELIC EXCURSIONAL ODYSSEY OF ELECTRONICA !!!!!!
%%
COULD THE PERSON IN THE NEXT STALL PLEASE LET GO OF MY PANT LEG
%%
DEAR GOD PLEASE DON'T FIRE ME UNTIL I'VE SAVED SOME MONEY
%%
DEAR NAPSTER: KEEP ON REACHING FOR THAT BIG FAT INVISIBLE DICK IN THE SKY
%%
DEAR PENTHOUSE!!! CAN WE STOP DRESSING THEM UP AS CLOWNS ???
%%
DESIGNERS: DOES YOUR WEB PAGE LOOK ENOUGH LIKE MTV???? *HURK* DOG SHIT
%%
DID ANYONE GET MY FLYER ABOUT THE FREE TAROT READINGS IN MY CUBE DURING LUNCH
%%
DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE INSOMNIAC AGNOSTIC DYSLEXIC ?? HE WASN'T FUNNY
%%
DISAPPOINTED BY THE RICH MILK CHOCOLATE BUT DELIGHTED BY THE NOUGAT
%%
Discovery 8:00pm. "Smart" dicks which suck themselves and also each other (Cc, Stereo)
%%
DO I NEED TO DRAW YOU A MAP TO THE PAYPAL DONATE BUTTON??
%%
DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK UNTIL XMAS
%%
DO YOU GALS LIKE EUROPEANS?? CAUSE I'VE GOT RUSSIAN HANDS AND ROMAN FINGERS
%%
Do you have holes poked in you, rendering you useless to collectors?
%%
DOES WAVING A FLAG IN YOUR FACE FOR THREE HOURS COUNT AS PATRIOTISM
%%
DOES YOUR BOSS CALL PLAYING WITH HIS NUTS A "REORG" ?
%%
Don't be a dick: if this site goes into basic, please type RUN at the "]" prompt.
%%
DOWN WITH PANTS AND UP WITH SKIRTS
%%
Download the newest, slowest, most non-functional version of Netscape Communicator NOW!
%%
DRAGGING A STACK OF PORN ONTO A NETWORK PRINTER AND GOING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND
%%
DRIVE YOUR WEB COUNTER BALLISTIC!!!!! 0000000000000002
%%
DURRRRRRRRR THIS HOLOGRAM T-SHIRT PROVES I'M MICROSOFT CERTIFIED
%%
Earn bonus miles! MILES AND MILES OF DICK UNFURLING LIKE A HOSE
%%
EARN VALUABLE COLLEGE CREDIT HANGING UPSIDE DOWN IN A CONCENTRATION CAMP
%%
Easy-Access Email! Wireless Webs! *GURK* HOSE DOWN MY PANTS
%%
EIGHT SNICKERS LATER I HAVE DIARRHEA
%%
ENROLL NOW: THE DICKLICKING FINISHING SCHOOL OF DUMBFUCK, COCKSUCKERSVILLE
%%
ETHNIC ALBANIANS???? MORE LIKE ETHNIC COMPLAINIANS
%%
EVERYONE BE QUIET I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!!!!!
%%
EXCITING OFFERS FROM SPRINT, AT&T, BANK OF AMERICA, PROCTOR & GAMBLE
%%
EXCUSE ME LADY BUT THAT DOORKNOB OVER THERE NEEDS TO KNOW IF YOU THINK I'M CUTE
%%
Experience the wonder of Jack in the Box
%%
EXPOSED: THE SECRET CONFERENCES OF THE ONE-MAN BATHROOM STALL AT WORK BEATOFF SOCIETY
%%
FAGGOT CAN ALSO MEAN A TIGHTLY-WRAPPED BUNDLE OF DICKS!!! I MEAN STICKS
%%
FAMILY MATTERS FOLLOWED BY FULL HOUSE AND THEN A BONUS FAMILY MATTERS
%%
FIRST I WILL CLONE MYSELF, THEN I WILL KILL MYSELF
%%
First law of artificially intelligent robots: ONLY HARM MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS
%%
FOLKS CAN I PUT REGULAR TOILET PAPER IN THE PLAIN PAPER COPIER OR NOT
%%
FOLKS CAN WE PLEASE NEVER SPELL IT "BOLOGNA"
%%
FOLKS I'M HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTACK: HURRRRFFFF HUHHHH glklth
%%
FOLKS I'VE BEEN FIRED FROM SIX COMPANIES FOR MY UFO BELIEFS
%%
FOLKS MY PSYCHIC GIRLFRIEND DUMPED ME BEFORE I EVEN ASKED HER OUT
%%
FOLKS, ONE OF MY FIVE CATS JUST KNOCKED THE BONG OVER
%%
FOLKS: DOES VIVID VIDEO ACTUALLY EMPLOY MORE THAN ONE PORN STAR ????
%%
FOLKS: I AM A ***PERSON*** WITH ***FEELINGS***
%%
Food Network 11:35am. Diagnosis: Cinnamon Buns (Cc, Stereo)
%%
FOR SHOW AND TELL THIS WEEK I HAVE CHOSEN TO COMMIT SUICIDE!! *BLAM* chalkboard
%%
FOR THE LAST TIME: AN ELF IS WORTH MORE THAN AN ORC BUT *LESS* THAN A UNICORN
%%
FOX 10:00pm. Fox Presents: When Commercials Attack (Cc, Stereo)
%%
FREE PORN!! CLICK HERE!! WARNING: SAME SHIT YOU SAW THREE YEARS AGO
%%
FUNNY DINOSAURS: THE COCKASAURUS NUTS!! THE PRICKASAURUS FACE!! THE DONG-A-LAPTICYL etc
%%
Fwd> Re: should i stick dee-lite.gif in the /white or /colored dir
%%
Fwd> Subject: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: STOP STALKING ME
%%
GALS: I JUST TOOK A DATE-RAPE DRUG AND I'LL BE OUTSIDE ASLEEP ON THE LAWN
%%
GALS: THERE MAY BE ONLY 206 BONES IN YOUR BODY BUT I'M WILLING TO MAKE IT 207
%%
GOSH DARN THESE TELEMARKETERS NEVER RETURNING MY CALLS
%%
GOTTA HAVE A MC-D-L-T / IF YOU WANNA BE / WITH / ME
%%
HANDS UP WHO LIKES ME OR THINKS I'M PRETTY OR CAN GIVE ME MONEY
%%
HANDS UP WHO STOLE MY DATING RESUME FROM OUT OF THE PRINTER TRAY ??
%%
HELP ME ACHIEVE DEATH BY WAY OF A PROSTITUTE OVERDOSE
%%
Help save our oceans by removing the sea sponges soaking it all up!
%%
Help starving banner ads in other nations receive clicks.
%%
HELP STARVING CHILDREN MAKE CLOTHES AND HATS FROM CONSTRUCTION PAPER
%%
HEY EVERYONE: LET'S HOP ABOARD THE BIG PORNOGRAPHY VAN TO MEXICO
%%
HEY TEACHERS: STOP TRYING TO MAKE SCIENCE FUN
%%
HEY: HOW DOES A CAT SUCK COCK???? WITH ITS *****MEOWTH*****
%%
hglbhgl bhlhglb hlghpth I PUBLISH FICTION AND POLITICAL NON-FICTION blghlbh glbhl thpk
%%
Hint: ASTERISKS REALLY **LEAP** OUT AND MAKE POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS GIVE A SHIT
%%
HONEY CAN YOU PLEASE TURN AROUND AND NOT LOOK AT ME BEATING OFF??? THANX
%%
HONK IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS FAILING HER CLASSES
%%
HOW CAN THEY BE SWEET *****AND**** TART??? (ASKING JEEVES)
%%
HOW DO DALEKS MASTURBATE WITH ALL THOSE KNOBS AND ETC???
%%
HOW MANY MORE GNOCCI AL PESTO DUMPLINGS CAN I STUFF IN MY MOUTH !?!??! STAY TUNED
%%
I ALSO HAVE A SERIOUS SIDE AND I'M TIRED OF NOT BEING TREATED MORE MATURELY
%%
I AM PLAYING HOOKY FROM WORK AND I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I SHOULD BUY AT THE STORE
%%
I AM SWEDISH AND DROWNING AND ASKING FOR HJALP!! JA JA IN DER TOILET
%%
I BUILT A CONTENT PUBLISHING SYSTEM OUT OF TOILET PAPER! (COME LOOK)
%%
I CALL THEM ONLINE CYBERTOONZ!!! UPDATED EACH MONDAY!!! wheze, choke
%%
I CAN OPEN A CAN OF PRINGLES USING JUST MY TEETH AND BOTH HANDS AND A CAN OPENER
%%
I CAN'T SPEAK FOR EVERYONE BUT I LIKE TO CARRY MY DICE AROUND IN A POUCH
%%
I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL 2086 WHEN THE MARS ROBOT COMES BACK WITH ROCKS!!!
%%
I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES SO I JUST MADE YOUR HORN HONK LOUDER
%%
I DO NOT NOW, NOR WILL I EVER HAVE A WEINER DUDE ATTITUDE
%%
I DON'T LIKE LOTION CALLED "KISS MY FACE"
%%
I GET CONFUSED BETWEEN THE CINGULAR WIRELESS LOGO AND BLOOD SPATTER
%%
I GOT MY TIE CAUGHT IN THE COPIER AGAIN
%%
I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING COOL ABOUT PUNCHING CHILDREN OR THE ELDERLY
%%
I HAD AN ACCIDENT AND FILLED UP MY PANTS LIKE AN AIRBAG
%%
I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH HOW YOU MAKE FUN OF ME
%%
I HAVE CHARTS AND GRAPHS WHICH ILLUSTRATE HOW IMPORTANT I AM
%%
I HAVE NO PEOPLE SKILLS WHATSOEVER
%%
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR CODE - SUGGESTIONS REALLY, IN THE FORM OF DIRECT ORDERS
%%
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND I CLEANED YOUR KITCHEN AND FOLDED ALL YOUR CLOTHES
%%
I HOPE YOU USE THE INFORMATION FOR GOOD AND NOT TO TELL MY BOSS
%%
I LIKE MASTURBATING BECAUSE OF ALL THE CUDDLE TIME AFTERWARDS
%%
I LIKE TO GET STONED AND TALK ABOUT THE COEN BROTHERS
%%
I LIKE TO THINK MY RADIOACTIVE KITTY CAT HAS EIGHTEEN HALF-LIVES
%%
I LOADED THE DOPE-SMOKING PIPE AND THEN WANDERED AWAY FROM IT LIKE AN IDIOT
%%
I NAMED MY HAMSTER MORPHEUS !!!!!! THEN HE DIED AND I FLUSHED HIM
%%
I ONLY SUCK DICK IN SELF DEFENSE AND AT THE BOOKSTORE
%%
I PUT ASCII CATS AND CHOCOLATE-RELATED INSPIRATIONAL SNIPPETS IN MY SIG !!
%%
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT'S FRUIT ROLLED UP IN A TUBE
%%
I REFUSE TO PAY THE PHONE BILL DUE TO THE FACT IT VIOLATES FREE SPEECH
%%
I SAID: HANDS UP WHO WANTS TO HELP MAKE AN ASCII-ONLY VERSION OF EVERQUEST
%%
I SEE YOU SCANNING GAY GROUPS AND GIVING OUT YOUR WORK NUMBER ON CHANNEL #FAGGOT
%%
I SEE YOU TV-36!!!! static
%%
I SHOULD MAIL THIS PAGE TO MY BOSS AND MY MOM AND ALL MY FRIENDS!!! WORD UP!!!
%%
I SHOULD MAIL YOU A PLAIN ENVELOPE STUFFED WITH POSITIVE ATTITUDETHRAX
%%
I SHOULD MAKE A FUNNY FAQ WITH ASCII ART ABOUT MY FAMILY AND MAIL IT TO MOM
%%
I SHOULD SMOKE THIS DOPE JUST TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS
%%
I SURE AM COZY UNDER THESE BLANKETS!!! OH GOD A SPIDER *BONK* OW JESUS I THINK ELLEN SHOULD GET ALZHEIMER'S AND "COME OUT" IN EVERY EPISODE
%%
I THINK ELLEN SHOULD GET ALZHEIMER'S AND "COME OUT" IN EVERY EPISODE
%%
I USE MY POWERS FOR GOOD AND ALSO TO REPRODUCE BUGS
%%
I WILL SUE FOR THE RIGHT TO LICK YOUR DICK (FAXING YOU THE CONSTITUTION)
%%
I WISH A CARTOONIST WOULD DRAW A STARBUCKS ON THE MOON!!! HILARIOUS!!(&*$
%%
I WISH YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS WOULD STOP LOGGING IN HERE AND TRYING TO BE FUNNY
%%
I WOULD LIKE TO CHOOSE STOP FROM THE BLOWJOB MENU
%%
I WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER AS A WEB DEVELOPER AND ALSO A CHILD MOLESTER
%%
I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT AN UNLICKED DICK IN THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF MY PANTS
%%
I'D RATHER BE SAILING!!! *BONK* OW glub glub
%%
IF I COULD REARRANGE THE ALPHABET I'D PUT U AND I TOGETHER!!! THEN I'D DUMP U
%%
IF I LISTEN TO THE SAME BANANARAMA SONG TWO HUNDRED TIMES IN A ROW, I GET SICK OF IT
%%
IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY WOULD YOU LIVE AROUND HERE OFTEN???? COME BACK
%%
IF I WERE A TUFTE, I'D WANT THE LORAX TO SAVE ME (AND NOT GET CHOPPED DOWN BY POLLUTION)
%%
IF ONLY I COULD JUST LEAVE THIS PLACE AND NEVER COME BACK
%%
IF THIS TEXT WERE IN A UNIQUE LAYER IT COULD FLOAT AROUND!!
%%
IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME $10.00 I'LL JUST TELL EVERYONE YOU MOLESTED ME
%%
IF YOU DON'T WORK FOR UPS YOU'RE NOT ENTITLED TO STAMP MY PACKAGE
%%
IF YOU HEAR BEAUTIFUL MUSIC COMING FROM A TOILET IT'S PROBABLY A TRAP
%%
IF YOU SMASH THE AIR CONDITIONER ALL THE GIRLS WILL EVENTUALLY TAKE THEIR SHIRTS OFF
%%
IF YOU THROW OUT ALL THE G'S HIS NAME IS SNOOP DOY DO
%%
IGNORING ME IS NOT THE SOLUTION
%%
I'LL NAME MY SERVER "DILBERT" AND THEN GIRLS WILL LIKE ME
%%
I'M A CHAR TO A STAR TO A POINTER TO THIS GUN TO RIGHT IN MY MOUTH AND GOODBYE
%%
I'M A CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE!!! SQUIRT ME WITH FLUID AND LIGHT ME!!! *FOOMP* URF
%%
I'M A LIMPWRITHTED JEDI MATHTER UTHING THE FORTH
%%
I'M A SKILLED IMMIGRANT WITH A TIE AND A RESUME AND A DREAM
%%
I'M AN ELECTRONIC MUSICIAN SCULPTING SYNTHESIZED SOUND SHAPES!! *GLK* suicide
%%
I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THERE ARE NO GIRLS HERE AT ALL
%%
I'M BRILLIANT!!! THE BALLS ATE MY BALLS PAGE!!! WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO IT!!!!
%%
I'M GOING TO HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
%%
I'M GOING TO ROLL UP MY DIPLOMA INTO A TUBE AND SET IT ON FIRE AND BLAST OFF
%%
I'M GOING TO VISUALLY INSPECT MY DOODLE FOR SIGNS OF VERBAL ABUSE
%%
I'M GOING TO WRITE A BLACKADDER / MR. BEAN CROSSOVER WHICH TAKES PLACE ON GALLIFREY
%%
I'M INTERCEPTING YOUR PACKETS AND DECODING YOUR SECRET GAYNESS SO GIVE ME MONEY
%%
I'M NOT "CONSTANTLY STONED" - I TAKE TIME OUT TO ORDER POTSTICKERS
%%
I'M SENSING A LITTLE JUDGEMENT FROM YOU PEOPLE
%%
I'M STARTING TO THINK I WORE A TIE FOR NOTHING
%%
I'M TIRED OF YOUR NORDSTROM SUITS AND THAT CARTON OF BANANA YOGURT EVERY DAY
%%
I'M WEARING BIG SHOES AND CLOMPING AROUND TO A TECHNO CD!!! HOLD MY HAND
%%
IN ANCIENT LANDS I MIGHT COUNT THE NUMBER OF TIMES I BEAT OFF LIKE SO: MCMDLVII
%%
IN DEBT? Change your name and run away and hide forever.
%%
IN ENGLAND THEY MIGHT REFER TO ME AS A COLOURFUL PAEDOPHILE
%%
IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY, BEING "DISSED" MEANS BEING "DISRESPECTED" !!
%%
INSPIRATIONAL FAITH-BASED MAGIC SHOW IN THE BREAKROOM AT 3:30!! PLEASE COME!!
%%
INSTANT MESSAGE FROM JESUS CHRIST: YOU'RE FIRED
%%
INSTANT MESSAGE: FUCK YOU
%%
Instant Rap: DO THAT TRICK / WHERE YOU LICK MY DICK / etc / etc
%%
INSTANT RHYMING DICTIONARY: FORK SPORK DORK BJORK
%%
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS THE LESBIAN-ONLY WINDOW MANAGER ??
%%
IS THIS AD ENOUGH OF AN IMMERSIVE EXPERIENCE FOR YOU DUMBSHITS
%%
IS THIS SOME KIND OF CYBERFEMINIST WEBZINE???
%%
IS THIS THE INTERNET?? HELLO TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY LIFE
%%
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO GRIP BOTH THE HANDLEBARS AND THE SHAMROCK SHAKE
%%
IT'S NO COINCIDENCE THAT STONER RHYMES WITH LONER RHYMES WITH BONER
%%
IT'S NOT ABOUT LICKING DICK IT'S ABOUT LICKING DICK UNDER OATH
%%
JESUS CHRIST - JUST CLEAR THE BUFFER AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE
%%
JOIN SALON TABLETALK AND RECEIVE A FREE TOTEBAG!! *BLAM* OH GOD *BLAM BLAM*
%%
JUST KEEP CLICKING UNTIL YOUR HOUSE BURNS DOWN
%%
KBHK 11:00am: Jerry Springer. Scheduled: people with problems. (Cc, Stereo)
%%
KICKED OUT OF THE SILICON VALLEY LINUX USERS GROUP FOR MASTURBATING
%%
Kids! Click here to learn more about decimals and fractions!
%%
KIDS: GRAB YOUR MOM'S CREDIT CARD WHILE SHE'S ALSEEP AND CLICK HERE
%%
KNOW WHAT I HAD FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING ???? PORN CATALOGS !!!
%%
LA LA LA LA / LIVE FOR TODAY / LA LA LA LA / FAGGOTS ARE GAY
%%
LA LA LA LA LA HOLDING MY HANDS OVER MY EARS NOT LISTENING
%%
LADIES: CLICK HERE AND RECEIVE A FREE BOYFRIEND FOR ONE WEEK!!! THEN PLEASE LEAVE
%%
Ladies: CLICK HERE to download free chocolate and coupons!
%%
LADIES: JOIN THE CUDDLE WUDDLE KITTY KLUB WEB RING TODAY
%%
Learn more about frequent, painful urination.
%%
LEAVING MY FRONT DOOR UNLOCKED IN CASE GIRLS COME OVER
%%
LET'S FORM A RAP SUPER GROUP AND SING ABOUT EDUCATION AND MATH!!! READY GO
%%
LET'S GO TO SEARS AND TRY THINGS ON BUT NOT BUY ANYTHING
%%
LICK THE DICK AND WIN 20 DOLLARS!!!
%%
LOOK AT MY WILTY LITTLE THINGAMADOODLE DANGLING IN THE SUMMER SUN
%%
Make a cyberdifference in a child's life
%%
MAKE SURE WHEN MOM OPENS THE CLOSET DOOR YOU REMAIN STILL LIKE E.T.
%%
MAY I PLEASE COMMIT SEPPUKU AND BUKKAKE AT THE SAME TIME??? SPLURK STAB SPLORT
%%
MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN BY "SUCK THE DICK OR LOSE YOUR JOB"
%%
ME MACINTOSH PROGRAMMER, ME CRASHUM MEMORY HEAP MACSBUG
%%
MENTAL NOTE: MORE DICK JOKES, LESS ARTSY-FARTSY EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT
%%
m-must....... reach............. rape whistle....... .. . . . . . .
%%
MOMS! Click here for a basket of cuddly kittens wearing American flags!
%%
MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS BROKEN BUT I CAN STILL TYPE PLEASE DONATE
%%
MY CD PLAYER IS SQUEAKING AND SQUAWKING LIKE MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND
%%
MY DAD POOFED INTO A BAT AND FLAPPED INTO MY ROOM AND PUT HIS WING DOWN MY PANTS
%%
MY DJ NAME IS M.C. DONALDS AND I SPIN VINYL ABOUT BURGERS AND FRIES AND SHAKES
%%
MY DOG SAYS I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO YOU (ONLINE OR OTHERWISE)
%%
MY MOM WAS ALL "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THE CAR" AND I WAS LIKE "FUCK YOU HITLER"
%%
MY PAC MAN FEVER IS NOW OFFICIALLY FULL BLOWN PAC MAN AIDS
%%
MY PROGRAM WON'T COMPILE AND ALSO I WENT BLIND LOOKING AT THE ECLIPSE
%%
MY RED SPACESHIP SMASHED INTO A BLUE PLANET AND OUR CREW WAS MAROONED!! GET IT???
%%
MY TROUSERS ARE WHAT WE HERE IN THE SILICON VALLEY LIKE TO CALL "CONTENT RICH"
%%
MY WEB-BASED SOAP OPERA WAS A WEB-BASED DISASTER
%%
NBC 8pm: The Drunk Guy Who Never Shuts Up Whose Name Is Dad (Cc, Stereo)
%%
NBC PRESENTS AN ALL-STAR COMEDY SALUTE TO *CLICK* BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM
%%
Netcenter: Netscape ships Communicator 6.0.3.5a with support for rendering HTML
%%
NICKELODEON 9:00am: Spaceship Boring blasts off to Planet Snooze (Cc, Stereo)
%%
NOBODY CAME TO MY POETRY TENT AT BURNING MAN
%%
NOTHING BEATS AN OFFICE COMEDIAN LIKE THIS TIRE IRON!! BONK *BANK* CLANK SHUT UP
%%
OFF YOU GO / TO SPEND YOUR DOUGH / WITHOUT YOUR COMMON SENSE / YOU'RE A DOUGH-NUT
%%
OKAY EVERYONE RESIZE YOUR WINDOWS WIDE BECAUSE HERE COMES A PBS PLEDGE BREAK
%%
OKAY I HAVE TO ASK MY MANAGER FOR HELP WITH THE BADGE-SWIPER THING
%%
OKAY SLIPPING MY BUSINESS CARD UNDER THE STALL DOOR SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW ME
%%
OKAY VERY FUNNY: WHO WROTE "SEX BOAT" ON MY CAR WITH SOAP THAT DOESN'T COME OFF
%%
OKAY WHO FILLED THE TOILET BOWL ABOVE AND BEYOND THE WATERLINE
%%
OKAY, WHO STOLE THE DIRTY MAGAZINES OUT FROM UNDER MY BED
%%
OKAY: YOU PULL THE FIRE ALARM AND I'LL THROW THE BEER BOTTLE
%%
ON MY SHITTY TV THE PEOPLE'S LAWYER APPEARS TO HAVE A PEOPLE'S BONER
%%
ONLINE GAMBLING - CLICK HERE TO SUCK OUR DICKS FOREVER - VISA/MC/AMEX
%%
ONLY GOD AND THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE KNOW ABOUT YOUR PORNOGRAPHY COLLECTION
%%
ONLY NICE, CUTE GIRLS UNDER 21 SHOULD CLICK HERE
%%
ONLY ONE WORD DESCRIBES E-COMMERCE: CYBER CALI FRAGIL ISTIC EXPIALI DOCIOUS !!!!!!
%%
ONLY THE HIPPEST MEMBERS OF GENERATION Y NEED CLICK HERE
%%
ONLY YOU CAN SAVE THIS SITE FROM FINANCIAL RUIN OR CRUEL JOKES ON FUCKED COMPANY
%%
OPTIMIZED AS IN OPTIMIZTIC.
%%
OUT COMES THE YELLOW PAGES AND STRAIGHT TO THE ESCORT SECTION
%%
OVERWEIGHT MOMS: CLICK HERE FOR AN INCREDIBLE DIET PROGRAM INVOLVING ANAL SEX
%%
PARDON MY FRENCH BUT CAN I PLEASE HAVE A HANDJOB
%%
PBS (9:30pm) - The Day The Universe Went Off The Air Because Nobody Wanted Tote Bags
%%
PBS 9:00pm: NOVA. Anne Frank Meets the Daleks (Cc, Stereo)
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PINK HEARTS - YELLOW MOONS - ORANGE STARS - GREEN CLOVERS - PURPLE BRUISES
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PLEASE CALL MY BBS
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PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY BONER UNDER THE TABLE AT THANKSGIVING
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PLEASE HELP THIS BANNER AD STANDARDIZE A FAILED CONCEPT
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PLEASE SEND ME PIX!! WRITING YOU AGAIN IN CASE THE FIRST MAIL DISAPPEARED
%%
POKING AND STROKING MY WAY INTO A GOOD COLLEGE
%%
PRETEND I'M PAUL FROM THE DIAMOND CENTER AND YOU NEED CREDIT
%%
PRETEND I'M THE 54 TO WESTGATE AND YANK MY DICK AND SAY NEXT STOP PLEASE
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PRETEND OUR CAR IS DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE AND YOU HAVE TO KISS ME
%%
PROUD MEMBER OF THE CHICKCLICK ESTROGEN SNOWBALL UGO BLA-BLA ADSOURCE NETWORK
%%
PROUD TO OFFER A SMOKE-FREE, DRUG-FREE, ALCOHOL-FREE, EMPLOYEE-FREE WORKPLACE
%%
psst: i accidentally spilled dope smoke into my mouth and lungs ten times
%%
PSST: I CAN SEE STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR DRESS TO YOUR FLOWERY BLOOMERS
%%
PSST: WHEN THE SPACE SHUTTLE RETURNS WE SHOULD ALL DRESS IN APE SUITS
%%
PULL MY DICK ONCE FOR YES, FOUR HUNDRED TIMES FOR NO
%%
Q: WHEN IS PIXAR GOING TO TURN THIS SITE INTO A HEARTWARMING ANIMATED COMEDY ??
%%
QUICK!!! GRAB THIS SACK OF FLOUR AND - *FOOMP* OH GOD JESUS NO YOU IDIOT QUITTING MY GAS STATION JOB AND STARTING A WEB-BASED SOAP OPERA
%%
Re: PISS ON MY FACE LIKE I'M A GAY FIRE RAGING OUT OF THE CLOSET
%%
Re: SEXUALLY ABUSED DURING THE FIRST YEAR OF MY EMPLOYMENT
%%
RED HEARTS YELLOW MOONS ORANGE STARS GREEN CLOVERS AND FUCKING FAGGOTS
%%
Register to win an endless, massive hosing of spam from which there can be no escape!
%%
REGISTER YOUR DOMAIN TODAY FOR ONLY TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS
%%
RELATIVELY CERTAIN I HAVE NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE
%%
REMEMBER THE APPLE II+ ?? REMEMBER ATARI ADVENUTRE ?? FIND DAD'S GUN AND BRING IT TO SCHOOL
%%
REMEMBER THE EIGHTIES???!?! REMEMBER THE SEVENTIES??? FUCK YOU IDIOT MORONS FOREVER
%%
REMINDER: YOU CAN PUT PORNOGRAPHY ON A CD AS EASILY AS IDIOTIC MUSIC
%%
Rent all the DVD's you want for FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS
%%
Reuters (AP) - WORLD TRADE CENTER NEW SUPER STARBUCKS
%%
REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED UP IN ONLINE WEBZINE FORMAT!! CLICK FOR COUPONS
%%
REVOLUTIONARY "FACEPHONES" ALLOW GIRLS TO GIVE BLOWJOBS OVER NETWORK
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ROCKIN' OUT WITH A PILLSBURY TOASTER STRUDEL!!!!! LOUD ANGRY GUITAR MUSIC
%%
ROSES ARE RED / VIOLETS ARE BLUE / SOME POEMS RHYME / THIS ONE JUST FALLS APART
%%
SASSY, CYNICAL WEB EDITRIX WITH A REGISTERED COPY OF DREAMWEAVER AND A VISION
%%
SAY THE PHRASE "LINUX DISK IMAGES" AND SEE HOW LONG I STAY AWAKE
%%
Secret Decoder Ring: F U CN RD THS U HV 2 SCNDZ 2 LK 10 MLN DX
%%
SELF-ESTEEM WORKSHOP AT MY PLACE???? PLEASE BRING HUGE BAGS OF WEED
%%
SERIOUSLY: WHO FILLED MY BONG WITH BIRD SEED AND HUNG IT FROM A TREE
%%
SHOULD I TAKE VITAMIN E OR JUST FIVE MILLION E TABLETS??? HOMPTH STUFF *BLGK*
%%
SHOVING A SOCCER BALL UP MY SHIRT AND WALKING AROUND LIKE I'M PREGNANT
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SINCE WHEN IS THE ART OF COMEDY SIMPLY AVOIDING TOILET HUMOR
%%
SIR MY BUS PASS SEEMS TO HAVE EXPIRED DUE TO THE FACT I CAN'T FIND IT
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SIR YOUR CAT IS SITTING ON ME AND WON'T GET UP AND KEEPS GOING TO THE BATHROOM
%%
SO I THINK ROBERT HEINEKEN IS MY FAVORITE SCI-FI AUTHOR WHO'S ALSO A BEER
%%
SOMEONE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME
%%
SOMEONE STOLE THE BUTTERSCOTCHES FROM MY DESK DRAWER
%%
SOMETIMES I PUSH THE BOTTOM OF MY SHIRT UP THROUGH THE COLLAR LIKE A HEE-HAW GIRL
%%
SOMETIMES I WAKE UP AND LEGOS ARE IN MY UNDERWEAR
%%
SORRY FOR THE WIDE DISTRIBUTION: I CANNOT FIT THROUGH THE STALL DOOR
%%
SORRY LADY!! I BEAT OFF TO BLONDES, I DON'T TALK TO THEM
%%
SORRY, THERE IS NOT ENOUGH MEMORY TO OPEN TEACH TEXT
%%
SPECIAL REPORT: Are Our School Shootings Safe?
%%
SQUEEZING A PERFECT "S" OF TOOTHPASTE ALONG MY DICK AND BRUSHING YOUR TEETH
%%
Stay in school! Say no to drugs! Learn MORE about Jesus Christ! Prevent abortions! Click here!
%%
STOP PULLING MY PIGTAILS
%%
Subject: I would also like everyone to know I'm aware this mail is a hoax!!! CC:ALL
%%
Subject: THE STAPLER WITH MY NAME ON IT SEEMS TO HAVE "VANISHED" AGAIN!!
%%
Subject: WHO STOLE THE VISUAL C++ CD'S FROM MY CUBE ??? I'M AN IDIOT
%%
SURE LADY, I'LL HAVE PHONE SEX WITH YOU!!! *SQUIRT* GOODNIGHT!!!! clonk, ba-donk
%%
SYSADMINS: YOU CANNOT ASSIGN "PERSIMMONS" TO A DIRECTORY - THOSE ARE FRUITS
%%
TEN BILLION SHORT FLASH ANIMATIONS!!! ALL ON DVD!!!! CLICK HERE TO KILL YOURSELF
%%
THANKS FOR CHOPPING DOWN ALL THE TREES AND NAMING STREETS AFTER THEM
%%
THAT IS NOT THE SORT OF LANGUAGE I EXPECT FROM A WEB DEVELOPER
%%
THAT'S ABOUT ENOUGH HUMOR AT THE EXPENSE OF PEOPLE WITH TESTICULAR CANCER
%%
THAT'S OKAY SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS AND WE CAN TRY AGAIN IN A FEW MINUTES etc.
%%
THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED AND MY PANTS ARE DOWN
%%
THE IMPLIED UNDERSTANDING IS THAT NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT THIS PLACE
%%
THE INTERNET IS A GIFT FROM OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!!!
%%
THE LITTLE ASCII ART DUCK WHO NEVER STOPPED COMPLAINING: o< THIS SUCKS
%%
THE NEW BRITNEY CD SURE IS UPBEAT AND FULL OF TEEN PEP !!!!!! *GAK* roofies
%%
THE SAD LITTLE ASCII ART DUCK: o< SUICIDE IS THE ONLY WAY OUT
%%
THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT LIVING WITH TEN CATS ON NOB HILL
%%
THESE DIRTY MAGAZINES ARE FOR AN ART PROJECT, NOT A BEATING OFF PROJECT
%%
THESE LINKS ARE BLATANT HARASSMENT IN MY OPINIONATION
%%
THIS BONGHIT WILL MAKE ME FUNNY!!
%%
THIS BOOMERANG DOES NOT WORK!!!! IT IS STICK-SHAPED
%%
This is the hardest letter I've ever had to leave on your front porch.
%%
THIS IS THE UPPERCASE CLUB!! YOU NEED UPPERCASE JACKETS AND TIES TO BE HERE
%%
THIS JUST IN: ASDFL;KA J#*% &*$(BLG K#%V 9BU490J HGJKLTH
%%
THIS LOOKS MORE LIKE THE UNDERSIDE OF A TOILET AND LESS LIKE MACWORLD EXPO
%%
THIS PORN VIDEO HAS NO JERKOFFABLE GIRLS
%%
THIS SITE IS NOT FOR CHILDREN!! ONLY EDUCATED INTELLECTUALS WITH ATM CARDS
%%
THIS STEERING WHEEL DOWN MY PANTS IS DRIVING ME NUTS !!!!!!!!! GET IT
%%
TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, MASTURBATOR
%%
To unsubscribe from this list, enter your credit card number: ____ ____ ____ ____
%%
TOO DAZED WITH DICKS TO BOOKMARK THE BABYLON 5 FAQ ??? DOWNLOAD THE PDF
%%
T-SHIRTS!! COFFEE MUGS!! BUMPER STICKERS!! MOUSE PADS!! KILL YOURSELF THIS INSTANT
%%
UH-OH!! THE GUY WITH THE WORF SHIRT IS UPSET WITH HIS SHIFT LEADER !!
%%
UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CONCEPT OF A "MODEM WIZARD"
%%
UPDATE: CHRISTOPHER REEVE PUSHES HEALTH INSURANCE REFORM (WITH HIS NOSE)
%%
URGENT!! CLICK HERE FOR SPECIAL OFFERS AND oh fuck it already
%%
URGENT: PLEASE KEEP SHIFT-RELOADING THIS PAGE SO MY MODEM DOESN'T HANG UP
%%
URMPH *BONK* SON OF A - OW - URF *HONK* WELL THIS IS A FINE ROMANCE
%%
VERY FUNNY WITH THE CIGARETTE LIGHTER UNDER MY NUTS
%%
VIRUS ALERT!!! HURRRRRRRR *HONK* BLOWJOBS
%%
VISUALIZE WORLD PEACE!!!! SCREECH SMASH BOOM BURN
%%
Warm hearted Christian man with values seeks chubby-cheeked pre-teen dicks ($$$)
%%
WARNING: BONERS LOOSE IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT
%%
WE DON'T TALK LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSE!! SHUT UP MOM
%%
WE ROCKETED TO JUPITER AND DISCOVERED IT'S ALL WET GAS AND WE COULDN'T LAND
%%
WELCOME ${'username') WE HAVE RECOMMENDATIONS FOR YOU IN %%cookiedump%%\>