http://www.rabbitblog.com/ Rabbit Blog Rabbit's life is a patio of fun! en Tue, 13 May 2008 10:55:29 GMT 012345678910121314151617181920212223 1 daily 1970-01-01T11:00+00:00 1440 sburke@cpan.org http://interglacial.com/d/about_rss/1day#_yes_this_means_YOU http://interglacial.com/rss/rabbitblog.rss http://interglacial.com/rss/rabbitblog.pl rabbit_blog l'etranger http://www.rabbitblog.com/2008_05_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#2227048998758704459#2227048998758704459 shine the silver and throw out the gold http://www.rabbitblog.com/2008_05_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#4731538028557214917#4731538028557214917 the bean eaters http://www.rabbitblog.com/2008_05_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#6293124168457394428#6293124168457394428 april showers bring may glowers http://www.rabbitblog.com/2008_04_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#1691308667960325630#1691308667960325630 GUILT TO SPILL Dear Rabbit, I am a reasonably successful guy in the age group between boomer and X-er. My job is reasonably well-paid, but nothing obscene. It's also insecure, and I could lose it at any time, though its not actively under threat. This matters, since I am married, and have 3 young kids, who will be an impressive financial burden once they start to get closer to college age. Plus there's the whole "planning for retirement" thing, which I am trying to be very proactive about. All in all, the situation is, if not under control, then at least within some semblance of it, assuming I remain steadily employed for the next 20 years, and don't develop a cocaine habit. The problem in this happy little American dream story is, like the typical American schmuck that I am, I can't get along with my mother-in-law. She is of the genus, Irresponsibilis Depressis, a repeat offender at binge spending, borrowing against her house, losing the house as a result, and moving into a smaller place. Lather, rinse, repeat. To the point that now she is actually living in a (fairly nice) subsidised housing project, but one where admittedly not many of the other residents are Ivy graduates and former Fulbright scholars as she is. Additionally, she regards me as quite the villain in her current housing situation. In fact, I do theoretically have the wherewhithal to bail her out of these messes. But of course that money is supposed to be my kids' tuition money, my retirement money. Generally, it has been a pain in the ass to go and earn it over the past twenty years while she has been sitting on her kiester eating bon-bons and spending money on quack medicine, spur-of-the-moment consumer electronics purchases, and home remodeling. In spite of my evident disdain for her lack of foresight in getting into her bind, I did once buy an apartment that adjoined hers, as well as replacing her car recently, and sending her several thousand dollars over the years in emergency funds. Nevertheless, I am the bad guy, because I really just won't give her free access to my checking account. I even went so far as to put the proceeds from selling that apartment into a special fund, and I'm collecting the income from that fund for her eventual nursing care, its up to $20,000 bucks now. Here's the question: What is my moral obligation here, and am I meeting it? Is the fact that she's not happy, and thinks that having more money would make her happy really my problem? Yes, its true she's basically broke. But even when she has had money she hasn't been any happier. She spends it, which provides a momentary distraction, but she soon returns to misery, but with less money. Eventually she (just 70 now) is going to get sick or break a hip, or just drift into senility. Someone is going to be on the hook to pay for it. That someone is me. There are other kids, but they are all academics who don't have enough for their own lives much less hers. Her ex-husband whom she ditched 25 years ago, doesn't seem particularly eager to pony up big either. Reading over the above, I'm sure you'll ask why I don't mention her daughter, my dear wife, in this whole discussion. Unfortunately, she has sort of washed her hands of responsibility for her mom's happiness, except at those times when the emotional blackmail becomes very explicit and intense, at which point she passes the buck to me, to pass the bucks to her mom. She and her sisters have more or less given up on the notion of really helping their mom. She refuses any sort of counselling or medication, except for quack counselling at expensive meditation retreats, and quack medication such as blue-green algae based cures. (not joking.) Wondering How Guilty I Should Feel http://www.rabbitblog.com/2008_04_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#1009107716270168518#1009107716270168518 what do we want? cookie! when do we want it? now! http://www.rabbitblog.com/2008_02_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#1831826119007367098#1831826119007367098 the constant chauncey gardner http://www.rabbitblog.com/2008_02_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#2768956610332693080#2768956610332693080 race to the bottom http://www.rabbitblog.com/2008_01_01_rabbitblog_archive.html#5085039363949082422#5085039363949082422 childless whore http://www.cafepress.com/childlesswhore/ hen & bunny http://www.salon.com/ent/video_dog/realitytv/2005/12/15/henbunnytrump/index.html laist interview http://www.laist.com/archives/2004/11/15/the_laist_interview_heather_havrilesky.php filler http://www.suck.com/filler/archive/nc_all.html gallo's humor http://www.alternet.org/movies/19837/ wife sentence http://www.newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/urban/seasons/fallpreview2004/9827/ save the nate http://www.rakemag.com/printable.asp?catID=61&itemID=18737&pg=all