!!! MAKE MONEY FAST !!! OH GOD HELP I'M DROWING IN THE TOILET
%
"ADOBE" IS ALMOST EBOLA SPELLED BACKWARDS
%
"BINDIST" CAN ALSO BE PRONOUNCED "BEEN DISSED" WHICH MEANS "BEEN DISRESPECTED"
%
"FAGGOT" CAN ALSO MEAN A TIGHTLY-WRAPPED BUNDLE OF DICKS!!! I MEAN STICKS
%
"PAYPAL" SOUNDS LIKE A GAY PORNO DVD TO ME
%
$$$$ MAKE MONEY FAST $$$$ OH GOD HELP I'M DROWING IN THE TOILET
%
$$$$ YOU CAN DRAG ME TO THE TRASH CAN WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A GLANCE $$$$
%
*** FREE chocolate ice cream cones delivered to your ex-girlfriend's lap ***
%
***FREE*** EMAIL!!!!! IT CANNOT BE!!!! CLICKING HERE EVEN THOUGH IT'S A TRAP
%
**HOT** TOSHIBA NOTEBOOKS NOW ON SALE IN SOME IDIOT'S GARAGE
%
**SOB** MY TAMAGOCHI DIED!!! trash can
%
**SOB** THE POOR OVERWORKED CHILDREN OF OTHER NATIONS
%
*BONK* OW MY HEAD WITH A BEER BOTTLE
%
*GAK* THE SWEATSHIRT HOOD PULLED DOWN OVER MY HEAD AND *GLK* THE STRINGS
%
*POOF* MAGICALLY I TRANSFORM MYSELF INTO SOMETHING AMUSING
%
*SIGH* PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING ME DOWN THE HALLWAY ASKING QUESTIONS YOU STUPID TOOL
%
*SPLUTTER* *CHOKE* ALL OVER MY NEW DRESS AND SHOES AND MEMBERS-ONLY JACKET
%
...:::;;;===((({{{[[[<<< I SAID KILL YOURSELF >>>]]]}}})))===;;;:::...
%
.:: THESE COLONS AND PERIODS SHOWCASE MY DESIGN SKILLS ::.
%
[an error occurred while processing this noisy, disruptive ad]
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{[[~{{A ~[[A{~[ ???~''?''?~'''??'' DUH NEED FRASH 5 PRUG-IN FOR VIEWING [A[A~[~{[A~
%
A SPILLED BONG IS JUST A MOPPORTUNITY
%
A VERY SPECIAL TWO-HOUR SEASON PREMIERE !!!! noose neck snap etc
%
A&E - 9pm - TRAPPED IN A LAND WITH NO PORN OR TV
%
A&E 7:00pm: Bill Kurtis puts the "gay" in "Investigaytive Reports" (Cc, Stereo)
%
About Us!  |  Clients  |  Portfolio  |  Privacy Policy  |  Blowjobs  |  Suicide  |  Heil Hitler
%
ADD ME TO THE LIST!!!!!! OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE MADE THIS JOKE
%
Advertisement: DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH
%
Advertisement: Sprint Introduces Pre-Paid Blowjob Cards
%
AND THEN YOU WOKE UP AND IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!! THE END
%
ANY BLOOM COUNTY FANS??? OOP!! ACK!!! killing myself
%
ANY GALS HERE INTO MUSIC??? BECAUSE I'M A TWELVE-INCH SINGLE
%
Apply now for INSTANT CREDIT and chop your head off.
%
ARE YOU JERKING OFF AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM?
%
Are you overweight or in debt or depressed or just freaked out constantly?
%
ARE YOU REALLY GAY BECAUSE OF A FREAK TRANSPORTER ACCIDENT??? LIAR 
%
ARE YOU THERE GOD??? I NEED A SNICKERS
%
Are you tired of living in fear and constantly changing your phone number?
%
Ask Jeeves: CAN I GET AIDS FROM TAKING A SHIT ????
%
ASK ME ABOUT THE EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR I HAD WHERE I COULDN'T EVEN GET IT UP
%
AT THE VERY LEAST I HAVE MY BLOG TO FALL BACK ON
%
AT THIS TIME I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE URINE IN THE CAFETERIA
%
BANANARAMA GOT A LOT BETTER AFTER THEY DUMPED BIG-NOSE
%
BANNER ADS: GUARANTEED TO KEEP THOSE GOD DAMN LITERATURE/ART SNOBS FAR AWAY
%
BINDIST CAN ALSO BE PRONOUNCED "BEEN DISSED" WHICH MEANS "BEEN DISRESPECTED"
%
BOSTON WAGES WAR AGAINST CANCER: BOSTON 0, CANCER 80,000,000,000,000
%
BOTH MY PANTS POCKETS ARE FLOPPED OUT!!! KISS THE BUNNY ON THE NOSE??
%
BREAK the nicotine habit and smash a car window and steal the CD player!
%
BUG #39439: MY DONG IS CAUGHT IN A WINE BOTTLE!!! NOT A JOKE
%
BY PLACING M&M'S INTO A PAPER CUP I CAN PRACTICALLY DRINK THEM
%
CAN SOMEONE SELL ME A BOOK ON HOW TO GET MY WEBSITE CACHED IN GOOGLE??
%
CAN WE ALL DO A BUSBY BERKELEY NUMBER WHERE WE LINE UP AND SUCK DICK
%
CAN'T REALLY SAY WHY I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND (SHOVING YOU OUT THE DOOR)
%
CATCH THE CYBERWAVE WITH THESE OTHER HOT BLOGS AND HYPERTEXT HOTLINKS....
%
Caution: Gothic Vampire Zone!!!!><BR><IMG SRC="BAT/JPG")><
%
CBS 8:00pm. Will There Ever Be A Rainbow? (Cc, Stereo)
%
CBS 8:00pm: Murder, She Mentioned (Cc, Stereo)
%
CELEBRATING THE FIVE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THIS COMPANY'S INCOMPETENCESHIP
%
CHASING YOU AROUND THE HOUSE TO A REPETITIVE DANNY ELFMAN SOUNDTRACK
%
CHEERS to separate dorm rooms for boys and girls!!! JEERS to locks/deadbolts
%
CHILD MOLESTERS AND PEDOPHILES ON THE INTERNET ??? I SIMPLY DON'T BELIEVE IT
%
CHOCOLATE AND SHOPPING AND BATHING SUITS AND GETTING FIRED
%
CLEAN UP ON AISLE 2-13
%
CLICK HERE FOR TEN MILLION POP-UP WINDOWS ABOUT FORD TRUCKS AND THE X-10
%
Click here for your free Pepsi One Infotainment calendar! *BLAM* dead forever
%
Click here for your FREE trial issue of Yahoo Internet Life! CAUTION: 100% ANAL SEX
%
Click here to help build another Starbucks, Noah's Bagels, Jamba Juice or Old Navy!
%
CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE ELITE UNDERGROUND MONEY SPENDING WEBRING
%
CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT TEENAGE GIRLS AND LAXATIVE ABUSE
%
Click here to stop terrorism around the globe once and for all.
%
Click here to support mandatory prayer in public schools!
%
CLICK TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ME!!!IMG SRC="GAY.JPG><JAVA="RECTANGLE">
%
Collect all one million billion plastic iMacs!
%
COLUMBINE? MORE LIKE COLUMBONG!!! hglbhlgbhglbhglbhth * COUGH * SPLUTTER *
%
COME WITH ME ON A TRANCELADELIC EXCURSIONAL ODYSSEY OF ELECTRONICA !!!!!! 
%
COULD THE PERSON IN THE NEXT STALL PLEASE LET GO OF MY PANT LEG
%
DEAR GOD PLEASE DON'T FIRE ME UNTIL I'VE SAVED SOME MONEY
%
DEAR NAPSTER: KEEP ON REACHING FOR THAT BIG FAT INVISIBLE DICK IN THE SKY
%
DEAR PENTHOUSE!!! CAN WE STOP DRESSING THEM UP AS CLOWNS ???
%
DESIGNERS: DOES YOUR WEB PAGE LOOK ENOUGH LIKE MTV???? *HURK* DOG SHIT
%
DID ANYONE GET MY FLYER ABOUT THE FREE TAROT READINGS IN MY CUBE DURING LUNCH
%
DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE INSOMNIAC AGNOSTIC DYSLEXIC ?? HE WASN'T FUNNY
%
DISAPPOINTED BY THE RICH MILK CHOCOLATE BUT DELIGHTED BY THE NOUGAT
%
Discovery 8:00pm. "Smart" dicks which suck themselves and also each other (Cc, Stereo)
%
DO I NEED TO DRAW YOU A MAP TO THE PAYPAL DONATE BUTTON??
%
DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK UNTIL XMAS
%
DO YOU GALS LIKE EUROPEANS?? CAUSE I'VE GOT RUSSIAN HANDS AND ROMAN FINGERS
%
Do you have holes poked in you, rendering you useless to collectors?
%
DOES WAVING A FLAG IN YOUR FACE FOR THREE HOURS COUNT AS PATRIOTISM
%
DOES YOUR BOSS CALL PLAYING WITH HIS NUTS A "REORG" ?
%
Don't be a dick: if this site goes into basic, please type RUN at the "]" prompt.
%
DOWN WITH PANTS AND UP WITH SKIRTS
%
Download the newest, slowest, most non-functional version of Netscape Communicator NOW!
%
DRAGGING A STACK OF PORN ONTO A NETWORK PRINTER AND GOING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND
%
DRIVE YOUR WEB COUNTER BALLISTIC!!!!! 0000000000000002
%
DURRRRRRRRR THIS HOLOGRAM T-SHIRT PROVES I'M MICROSOFT CERTIFIED
%
Earn bonus miles! MILES AND MILES OF DICK UNFURLING LIKE A HOSE
%
EARN VALUABLE COLLEGE CREDIT HANGING UPSIDE DOWN IN A CONCENTRATION CAMP
%
Easy-Access Email! Wireless Webs! *GURK* HOSE DOWN MY PANTS
%
EIGHT SNICKERS LATER I HAVE DIARRHEA
%
ENROLL NOW: THE DICKLICKING FINISHING SCHOOL OF DUMBFUCK, COCKSUCKERSVILLE 
%
ETHNIC ALBANIANS???? MORE LIKE ETHNIC COMPLAINIANS
%
EVERYONE BE QUIET I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!!!!! 
%
EXCITING OFFERS FROM SPRINT, AT&T, BANK OF AMERICA, PROCTOR & GAMBLE
%
EXCUSE ME LADY BUT THAT DOORKNOB OVER THERE NEEDS TO KNOW IF YOU THINK I'M CUTE
%
Experience the wonder of Jack in the Box
%
EXPOSED: THE SECRET CONFERENCES OF THE ONE-MAN BATHROOM STALL AT WORK BEATOFF SOCIETY
%
FAGGOT CAN ALSO MEAN A TIGHTLY-WRAPPED BUNDLE OF DICKS!!! I MEAN STICKS
%
FAMILY MATTERS FOLLOWED BY FULL HOUSE AND THEN A BONUS FAMILY MATTERS
%
FIRST I WILL CLONE MYSELF, THEN I WILL KILL MYSELF
%
First law of artificially intelligent robots: ONLY HARM MY EX-GIRLFRIENDS
%
FOLKS CAN I PUT REGULAR TOILET PAPER IN THE PLAIN PAPER COPIER OR NOT
%
FOLKS CAN WE PLEASE NEVER SPELL IT "BOLOGNA"
%
FOLKS I'M HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTACK: HURRRRFFFF HUHHHH glklth 
%
FOLKS I'VE BEEN FIRED FROM SIX COMPANIES FOR MY UFO BELIEFS
%
FOLKS MY PSYCHIC GIRLFRIEND DUMPED ME BEFORE I EVEN ASKED HER OUT
%
FOLKS, ONE OF MY FIVE CATS JUST KNOCKED THE BONG OVER
%
FOLKS: DOES VIVID VIDEO ACTUALLY EMPLOY MORE THAN ONE PORN STAR ????
%
FOLKS: I AM A ***PERSON*** WITH ***FEELINGS***
%
Food Network 11:35am. Diagnosis: Cinnamon Buns (Cc, Stereo)
%
FOR SHOW AND TELL THIS WEEK I HAVE CHOSEN TO COMMIT SUICIDE!! *BLAM* chalkboard
%
FOR THE LAST TIME: AN ELF IS WORTH MORE THAN AN ORC BUT *LESS* THAN A UNICORN
%
FOX 10:00pm. Fox Presents: When Commercials Attack (Cc, Stereo)
%
FREE PORN!! CLICK HERE!! WARNING: SAME SHIT YOU SAW THREE YEARS AGO
%
FUNNY DINOSAURS: THE COCKASAURUS NUTS!! THE PRICKASAURUS FACE!! THE DONG-A-LAPTICYL etc
%
Fwd> Re: should i stick dee-lite.gif in the /white or /colored dir
%
Fwd> Subject: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: WAS: RE: STOP STALKING ME
%
GALS: I JUST TOOK A DATE-RAPE DRUG AND I'LL BE OUTSIDE ASLEEP ON THE LAWN
%
GALS: THERE MAY BE ONLY 206 BONES IN YOUR BODY BUT I'M WILLING TO MAKE IT 207
%
GOSH DARN THESE TELEMARKETERS NEVER RETURNING MY CALLS
%
GOTTA HAVE A MC-D-L-T / IF YOU WANNA BE / WITH / ME
%
HANDS UP WHO LIKES ME OR THINKS I'M PRETTY OR CAN GIVE ME MONEY
%
HANDS UP WHO STOLE MY DATING RESUME FROM OUT OF THE PRINTER TRAY ??
%
HELP ME ACHIEVE DEATH BY WAY OF A PROSTITUTE OVERDOSE
%
Help save our oceans by removing the sea sponges soaking it all up!
%
Help starving banner ads in other nations receive clicks.
%
HELP STARVING CHILDREN MAKE CLOTHES AND HATS FROM CONSTRUCTION PAPER
%
HEY EVERYONE: LET'S HOP ABOARD THE BIG PORNOGRAPHY VAN TO MEXICO
%
HEY TEACHERS: STOP TRYING TO MAKE SCIENCE FUN
%
HEY: HOW DOES A CAT SUCK COCK???? WITH ITS *****MEOWTH*****
%
hglbhgl bhlhglb hlghpth I PUBLISH FICTION AND POLITICAL NON-FICTION blghlbh glbhl thpk
%
Hint: ASTERISKS REALLY **LEAP** OUT AND MAKE POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS GIVE A SHIT
%
HONEY CAN YOU PLEASE TURN AROUND AND NOT LOOK AT ME BEATING OFF??? THANX
%
HONK IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS FAILING HER CLASSES
%
HOW CAN THEY BE SWEET *****AND**** TART??? (ASKING JEEVES)
%
HOW DO DALEKS MASTURBATE WITH ALL THOSE KNOBS AND ETC???
%
HOW MANY MORE GNOCCI AL PESTO DUMPLINGS CAN I STUFF IN MY MOUTH !?!??! STAY TUNED
%
I ALSO HAVE A SERIOUS SIDE AND I'M TIRED OF NOT BEING TREATED MORE MATURELY
%
I AM PLAYING HOOKY FROM WORK AND I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I SHOULD BUY AT THE STORE
%
I AM SWEDISH AND DROWNING AND ASKING FOR HJALP!! JA JA IN DER TOILET
%
I BUILT A CONTENT PUBLISHING SYSTEM OUT OF TOILET PAPER! (COME LOOK)
%
I CALL THEM ONLINE CYBERTOONZ!!! UPDATED EACH MONDAY!!! wheze, choke 
%
I CAN OPEN A CAN OF PRINGLES USING JUST MY TEETH AND BOTH HANDS AND A CAN OPENER
%
I CAN'T SPEAK FOR EVERYONE BUT I LIKE TO CARRY MY DICE AROUND IN A POUCH
%
I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL 2086 WHEN THE MARS ROBOT COMES BACK WITH ROCKS!!!
%
I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES SO I JUST MADE YOUR HORN HONK LOUDER
%
I DO NOT NOW, NOR WILL I EVER HAVE A WEINER DUDE ATTITUDE
%
I DON'T LIKE LOTION CALLED "KISS MY FACE"
%
I GET CONFUSED BETWEEN THE CINGULAR WIRELESS LOGO AND BLOOD SPATTER
%
I GOT MY TIE CAUGHT IN THE COPIER AGAIN
%
I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING COOL ABOUT PUNCHING CHILDREN OR THE ELDERLY
%
I HAD AN ACCIDENT AND FILLED UP MY PANTS LIKE AN AIRBAG
%
I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH HOW YOU MAKE FUN OF ME
%
I HAVE CHARTS AND GRAPHS WHICH ILLUSTRATE HOW IMPORTANT I AM
%
I HAVE NO PEOPLE SKILLS WHATSOEVER
%
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR CODE - SUGGESTIONS REALLY, IN THE FORM OF DIRECT ORDERS
%
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND I CLEANED YOUR KITCHEN AND FOLDED ALL YOUR CLOTHES
%
I HOPE YOU USE THE INFORMATION FOR GOOD AND NOT TO TELL MY BOSS
%
I LIKE MASTURBATING BECAUSE OF ALL THE CUDDLE TIME AFTERWARDS
%
I LIKE TO GET STONED AND TALK ABOUT THE COEN BROTHERS
%
I LIKE TO THINK MY RADIOACTIVE KITTY CAT HAS EIGHTEEN HALF-LIVES
%
I LOADED THE DOPE-SMOKING PIPE AND THEN WANDERED AWAY FROM IT LIKE AN IDIOT
%
I NAMED MY HAMSTER MORPHEUS !!!!!! THEN HE DIED AND I FLUSHED HIM
%
I ONLY SUCK DICK IN SELF DEFENSE AND AT THE BOOKSTORE
%
I PUT ASCII CATS AND CHOCOLATE-RELATED INSPIRATIONAL SNIPPETS IN MY SIG !!
%
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT'S FRUIT ROLLED UP IN A TUBE
%
I REFUSE TO PAY THE PHONE BILL DUE TO THE FACT IT VIOLATES FREE SPEECH
%
I SAID: HANDS UP WHO WANTS TO HELP MAKE AN ASCII-ONLY VERSION OF EVERQUEST
%
I SEE YOU SCANNING GAY GROUPS AND GIVING OUT YOUR WORK NUMBER ON CHANNEL #FAGGOT
%
I SEE YOU TV-36!!!! static
%
I SHOULD MAIL THIS PAGE TO MY BOSS AND MY MOM AND ALL MY FRIENDS!!! WORD UP!!!
%
I SHOULD MAIL YOU A PLAIN ENVELOPE STUFFED WITH POSITIVE ATTITUDETHRAX
%
I SHOULD MAKE A FUNNY FAQ WITH ASCII ART ABOUT MY FAMILY AND MAIL IT TO MOM
%
I SHOULD SMOKE THIS DOPE JUST TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS
%
I SURE AM COZY UNDER THESE BLANKETS!!! OH GOD A SPIDER *BONK* OW JESUS
%
I THINK ELLEN SHOULD GET ALZHEIMER'S AND "COME OUT" IN EVERY EPISODE
%
I USE MY POWERS FOR GOOD AND ALSO TO REPRODUCE BUGS
%
I WILL SUE FOR THE RIGHT TO LICK YOUR DICK (FAXING YOU THE CONSTITUTION)
%
I WISH A CARTOONIST WOULD DRAW A STARBUCKS ON THE MOON!!! HILARIOUS!!(&*$
%
I WISH YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS WOULD STOP LOGGING IN HERE AND TRYING TO BE FUNNY
%
I WOULD LIKE TO CHOOSE STOP FROM THE BLOWJOB MENU
%
I WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER AS A WEB DEVELOPER AND ALSO A CHILD MOLESTER
%
I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT AN UNLICKED DICK IN THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF MY PANTS
%
I'D RATHER BE SAILING!!! *BONK* OW glub glub
%
IF I COULD REARRANGE THE ALPHABET I'D PUT U AND I TOGETHER!!! THEN I'D DUMP U
%
IF I LISTEN TO THE SAME BANANARAMA SONG TWO HUNDRED TIMES IN A ROW, I GET SICK OF IT
%
IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY WOULD YOU LIVE AROUND HERE OFTEN???? COME BACK
%
IF I WERE A TUFTE, I'D WANT THE LORAX TO SAVE ME (AND NOT GET CHOPPED DOWN BY POLLUTION) 
%
IF ONLY I COULD JUST LEAVE THIS PLACE AND NEVER COME BACK
%
IF THIS TEXT WERE IN A UNIQUE LAYER IT COULD FLOAT AROUND!!
%
IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME $10.00 I'LL JUST TELL EVERYONE YOU MOLESTED ME
%
IF YOU DON'T WORK FOR UPS YOU'RE NOT ENTITLED TO STAMP MY PACKAGE
%
IF YOU HEAR BEAUTIFUL MUSIC COMING FROM A TOILET IT'S PROBABLY A TRAP
%
IF YOU SMASH THE AIR CONDITIONER ALL THE GIRLS WILL EVENTUALLY TAKE THEIR SHIRTS OFF
%
IF YOU THROW OUT ALL THE G'S HIS NAME IS SNOOP DOY DO
%
IGNORING ME IS NOT THE SOLUTION
%
I'LL NAME MY SERVER "DILBERT" AND THEN GIRLS WILL LIKE ME
%
I'M A CHAR TO A STAR TO A POINTER TO THIS GUN TO RIGHT IN MY MOUTH AND GOODBYE
%
I'M A CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE!!! SQUIRT ME WITH FLUID AND LIGHT ME!!! *FOOMP* URF
%
I'M A LIMPWRITHTED JEDI MATHTER UTHING THE FORTH
%
I'M A SKILLED IMMIGRANT WITH A TIE AND A RESUME AND A DREAM
%
I'M AN ELECTRONIC MUSICIAN SCULPTING SYNTHESIZED SOUND SHAPES!! *GLK* suicide
%
I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THERE ARE NO GIRLS HERE AT ALL
%
I'M BRILLIANT!!! THE BALLS ATE MY BALLS PAGE!!! WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO IT!!!!
%
I'M GOING TO HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
%
I'M GOING TO ROLL UP MY DIPLOMA INTO A TUBE AND SET IT ON FIRE AND BLAST OFF
%
I'M GOING TO VISUALLY INSPECT MY DOODLE FOR SIGNS OF VERBAL ABUSE
%
I'M GOING TO WRITE A BLACKADDER / MR. BEAN CROSSOVER WHICH TAKES PLACE ON GALLIFREY
%
I'M INTERCEPTING YOUR PACKETS AND DECODING YOUR SECRET GAYNESS SO GIVE ME MONEY
%
I'M NOT "CONSTANTLY STONED" - I TAKE TIME OUT TO ORDER POTSTICKERS
%
I'M SENSING A LITTLE JUDGEMENT FROM YOU PEOPLE
%
I'M STARTING TO THINK I WORE A TIE FOR NOTHING
%
I'M TIRED OF YOUR NORDSTROM SUITS AND THAT CARTON OF BANANA YOGURT EVERY DAY
%
I'M WEARING BIG SHOES AND CLOMPING AROUND TO A TECHNO CD!!! HOLD MY HAND
%
IN ANCIENT LANDS I MIGHT COUNT THE NUMBER OF TIMES I BEAT OFF LIKE SO: MCMDLVII
%
IN DEBT? Change your name and run away and hide forever.
%
IN ENGLAND THEY MIGHT REFER TO ME AS A COLOURFUL PAEDOPHILE
%
IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY, BEING "DISSED" MEANS BEING "DISRESPECTED" !!
%
INSPIRATIONAL FAITH-BASED MAGIC SHOW IN THE BREAKROOM AT 3:30!! PLEASE COME!!
%
INSTANT MESSAGE FROM JESUS CHRIST: YOU'RE FIRED
%
INSTANT MESSAGE: FUCK YOU
%
Instant Rap: DO THAT TRICK / WHERE YOU LICK MY DICK / etc / etc
%
INSTANT RHYMING DICTIONARY: FORK SPORK DORK BJORK
%
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS THE LESBIAN-ONLY WINDOW MANAGER ??
%
IS THIS AD ENOUGH OF AN IMMERSIVE EXPERIENCE FOR YOU DUMBSHITS
%
IS THIS SOME KIND OF CYBERFEMINIST WEBZINE???
%
IS THIS THE INTERNET?? HELLO TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY LIFE
%
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO GRIP BOTH THE HANDLEBARS AND THE SHAMROCK SHAKE
%
IT'S NO COINCIDENCE THAT STONER RHYMES WITH LONER RHYMES WITH BONER
%
IT'S NOT ABOUT LICKING DICK IT'S ABOUT LICKING DICK UNDER OATH
%
JESUS CHRIST - JUST CLEAR THE BUFFER AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE
%
JOIN SALON TABLETALK AND RECEIVE A FREE TOTEBAG!! *BLAM* OH GOD *BLAM BLAM*
%
JUST KEEP CLICKING UNTIL YOUR HOUSE BURNS DOWN
%
KBHK 11:00am: Jerry Springer. Scheduled: people with problems. (Cc, Stereo)
%
KICKED OUT OF THE SILICON VALLEY LINUX USERS GROUP FOR MASTURBATING
%
Kids! Click here to learn more about decimals and fractions!
%
KIDS: GRAB YOUR MOM'S CREDIT CARD WHILE SHE'S ALSEEP AND CLICK HERE
%
KNOW WHAT I HAD FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING ???? PORN CATALOGS !!!
%
LA LA LA LA / LIVE FOR TODAY / LA LA LA LA / FAGGOTS ARE GAY
%
LA LA LA LA LA HOLDING MY HANDS OVER MY EARS NOT LISTENING
%
LADIES: CLICK HERE AND RECEIVE A FREE BOYFRIEND FOR ONE WEEK!!! THEN PLEASE LEAVE
%
Ladies: CLICK HERE to download free chocolate and coupons! 
%
LADIES: JOIN THE CUDDLE WUDDLE KITTY KLUB WEB RING TODAY
%
Learn more about frequent, painful urination.
%
LEAVING MY FRONT DOOR UNLOCKED IN CASE GIRLS COME OVER
%
LET'S FORM A RAP SUPER GROUP AND SING ABOUT EDUCATION AND MATH!!! READY GO
%
LET'S GO TO SEARS AND TRY THINGS ON BUT NOT BUY ANYTHING
%
LICK THE DICK AND WIN 20 DOLLARS!!!
%
LOOK AT MY WILTY LITTLE THINGAMADOODLE DANGLING IN THE SUMMER SUN
%
Make a cyberdifference in a child's life
%
MAKE SURE WHEN MOM OPENS THE CLOSET DOOR YOU REMAIN STILL LIKE E.T.
%
MAY I PLEASE COMMIT SEPPUKU AND BUKKAKE AT THE SAME TIME??? SPLURK STAB SPLORT
%
MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN BY "SUCK THE DICK OR LOSE YOUR JOB"
%
ME MACINTOSH PROGRAMMER, ME CRASHUM MEMORY HEAP MACSBUG
%
MENTAL NOTE: MORE DICK JOKES, LESS ARTSY-FARTSY EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT
%
m-must....... reach............. rape whistle....... .. . . . . . .
%
MOMS! Click here for a basket of cuddly kittens wearing American flags! 
%
MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS BROKEN BUT I CAN STILL TYPE PLEASE DONATE
%
MY CD PLAYER IS SQUEAKING AND SQUAWKING LIKE MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND
%
MY DAD POOFED INTO A BAT AND FLAPPED INTO MY ROOM AND PUT HIS WING DOWN MY PANTS
%
MY DJ NAME IS M.C. DONALDS AND I SPIN VINYL ABOUT BURGERS AND FRIES AND SHAKES
%
MY DOG SAYS I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO YOU (ONLINE OR OTHERWISE)
%
MY MOM WAS ALL "YOU'RE NOT TAKING THE CAR" AND I WAS LIKE "FUCK YOU HITLER"
%
MY PAC MAN FEVER IS NOW OFFICIALLY FULL BLOWN PAC MAN AIDS
%
MY PROGRAM WON'T COMPILE AND ALSO I WENT BLIND LOOKING AT THE ECLIPSE
%
MY RED SPACESHIP SMASHED INTO A BLUE PLANET AND OUR CREW WAS MAROONED!! GET IT???
%
MY TROUSERS ARE WHAT WE HERE IN THE SILICON VALLEY LIKE TO CALL "CONTENT RICH"
%
MY WEB-BASED SOAP OPERA WAS A WEB-BASED DISASTER
%
NBC 8pm: The Drunk Guy Who Never Shuts Up Whose Name Is Dad (Cc, Stereo)
%
NBC PRESENTS AN ALL-STAR COMEDY SALUTE TO *CLICK* BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM
%
Netcenter: Netscape ships Communicator 6.0.3.5a with support for rendering HTML
%
NICKELODEON 9:00am: Spaceship Boring blasts off to Planet Snooze (Cc, Stereo)
%
NOBODY CAME TO MY POETRY TENT AT BURNING MAN
%
NOTHING BEATS AN OFFICE COMEDIAN LIKE THIS TIRE IRON!! BONK *BANK* CLANK SHUT UP
%
OFF YOU GO / TO SPEND YOUR DOUGH / WITHOUT YOUR COMMON SENSE / YOU'RE A DOUGH-NUT
%
OKAY EVERYONE RESIZE YOUR WINDOWS WIDE BECAUSE HERE COMES A PBS PLEDGE BREAK
%
OKAY I HAVE TO ASK MY MANAGER FOR HELP WITH THE BADGE-SWIPER THING
%
OKAY SLIPPING MY BUSINESS CARD UNDER THE STALL DOOR SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW ME
%
OKAY VERY FUNNY: WHO WROTE "SEX BOAT" ON MY CAR WITH SOAP THAT DOESN'T COME OFF
%
OKAY WHO FILLED THE TOILET BOWL ABOVE AND BEYOND THE WATERLINE
%
OKAY, WHO STOLE THE DIRTY MAGAZINES OUT FROM UNDER MY BED 
%
OKAY: YOU PULL THE FIRE ALARM AND I'LL THROW THE BEER BOTTLE
%
ON MY SHITTY TV THE PEOPLE'S LAWYER APPEARS TO HAVE A PEOPLE'S BONER
%
ONLINE GAMBLING - CLICK HERE TO SUCK OUR DICKS FOREVER - VISA/MC/AMEX
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ONLY GOD AND THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE KNOW ABOUT YOUR PORNOGRAPHY COLLECTION
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ONLY NICE, CUTE GIRLS UNDER 21 SHOULD CLICK HERE
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ONLY ONE WORD DESCRIBES E-COMMERCE: CYBER CALI FRAGIL ISTIC EXPIALI DOCIOUS !!!!!!
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ONLY THE HIPPEST MEMBERS OF GENERATION Y NEED CLICK HERE
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ONLY YOU CAN SAVE THIS SITE FROM FINANCIAL RUIN OR CRUEL JOKES ON FUCKED COMPANY
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OPTIMIZED AS IN OPTIMIZTIC.
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OUT COMES THE YELLOW PAGES AND STRAIGHT TO THE ESCORT SECTION
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OVERWEIGHT MOMS: CLICK HERE FOR AN INCREDIBLE DIET PROGRAM INVOLVING ANAL SEX
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PARDON MY FRENCH BUT CAN I PLEASE HAVE A HANDJOB
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PBS (9:30pm) - The Day The Universe Went Off The Air Because Nobody Wanted Tote Bags
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PBS 9:00pm: NOVA. Anne Frank Meets the Daleks (Cc, Stereo)
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PINK HEARTS - YELLOW MOONS - ORANGE STARS - GREEN CLOVERS - PURPLE BRUISES
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PLEASE CALL MY BBS
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PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY BONER UNDER THE TABLE AT THANKSGIVING
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PLEASE HELP THIS BANNER AD STANDARDIZE A FAILED CONCEPT
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PLEASE SEND ME PIX!! WRITING YOU AGAIN IN CASE THE FIRST MAIL DISAPPEARED
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POKING AND STROKING MY WAY INTO A GOOD COLLEGE
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PRETEND I'M PAUL FROM THE DIAMOND CENTER AND YOU NEED CREDIT
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PRETEND I'M THE 54 TO WESTGATE AND YANK MY DICK AND SAY NEXT STOP PLEASE
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PRETEND OUR CAR IS DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE AND YOU HAVE TO KISS ME
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PROUD MEMBER OF THE CHICKCLICK ESTROGEN SNOWBALL UGO BLA-BLA ADSOURCE NETWORK
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PROUD TO OFFER A SMOKE-FREE, DRUG-FREE, ALCOHOL-FREE, EMPLOYEE-FREE WORKPLACE
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psst: i accidentally spilled dope smoke into my mouth and lungs ten times
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PSST: I CAN SEE STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR DRESS TO YOUR FLOWERY BLOOMERS
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PSST: WHEN THE SPACE SHUTTLE RETURNS WE SHOULD ALL DRESS IN APE SUITS
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PULL MY DICK ONCE FOR YES, FOUR HUNDRED TIMES FOR NO
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Q: WHEN IS PIXAR GOING TO TURN THIS SITE INTO A HEARTWARMING ANIMATED COMEDY ??
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QUICK!!! GRAB THIS SACK OF FLOUR AND - *FOOMP* OH GOD JESUS NO YOU IDIOT
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QUITTING MY GAS STATION JOB AND STARTING A WEB-BASED SOAP OPERA
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Re: PISS ON MY FACE LIKE I'M A GAY FIRE RAGING OUT OF THE CLOSET
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Re: SEXUALLY ABUSED DURING THE FIRST YEAR OF MY EMPLOYMENT
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RED HEARTS YELLOW MOONS ORANGE STARS GREEN CLOVERS AND FUCKING FAGGOTS
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Register to win an endless, massive hosing of spam from which there can be no escape!
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REGISTER YOUR DOMAIN TODAY FOR ONLY TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS
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RELATIVELY CERTAIN I HAVE NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE
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REMEMBER THE APPLE II+ ?? REMEMBER ATARI ADVENUTRE ?? FIND DAD'S GUN AND BRING IT TO SCHOOL
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REMEMBER THE EIGHTIES???!?! REMEMBER THE SEVENTIES??? FUCK YOU IDIOT MORONS FOREVER
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REMINDER: YOU CAN PUT PORNOGRAPHY ON A CD AS EASILY AS IDIOTIC MUSIC
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Rent all the DVD's you want for FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS
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Reuters (AP) - WORLD TRADE CENTER NEW SUPER STARBUCKS
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REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED UP IN ONLINE WEBZINE FORMAT!! CLICK FOR COUPONS
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REVOLUTIONARY "FACEPHONES" ALLOW GIRLS TO GIVE BLOWJOBS OVER NETWORK
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ROCKIN' OUT WITH A PILLSBURY TOASTER STRUDEL!!!!! LOUD ANGRY GUITAR MUSIC
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ROSES ARE RED / VIOLETS ARE BLUE / SOME POEMS RHYME / THIS ONE JUST FALLS APART
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SASSY, CYNICAL WEB EDITRIX WITH A REGISTERED COPY OF DREAMWEAVER AND A VISION
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SAY THE PHRASE "LINUX DISK IMAGES" AND SEE HOW LONG I STAY AWAKE
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Secret Decoder Ring: F U CN RD THS U HV 2 SCNDZ 2 LK 10 MLN DX
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SELF-ESTEEM WORKSHOP AT MY PLACE???? PLEASE BRING HUGE BAGS OF WEED
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SERIOUSLY: WHO FILLED MY BONG WITH BIRD SEED AND HUNG IT FROM A TREE
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SHOULD I TAKE VITAMIN E OR JUST FIVE MILLION E TABLETS??? HOMPTH STUFF *BLGK*
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SHOVING A SOCCER BALL UP MY SHIRT AND WALKING AROUND LIKE I'M PREGNANT
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SINCE WHEN IS THE ART OF COMEDY SIMPLY AVOIDING TOILET HUMOR
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SIR MY BUS PASS SEEMS TO HAVE EXPIRED DUE TO THE FACT I CAN'T FIND IT
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SIR YOUR CAT IS SITTING ON ME AND WON'T GET UP AND KEEPS GOING TO THE BATHROOM
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SO I THINK ROBERT HEINEKEN IS MY FAVORITE SCI-FI AUTHOR WHO'S ALSO A BEER
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SOMEONE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME
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SOMEONE STOLE THE BUTTERSCOTCHES FROM MY DESK DRAWER
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SOMETIMES I PUSH THE BOTTOM OF MY SHIRT UP THROUGH THE COLLAR LIKE A HEE-HAW GIRL
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SOMETIMES I WAKE UP AND LEGOS ARE IN MY UNDERWEAR
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SORRY FOR THE WIDE DISTRIBUTION: I CANNOT FIT THROUGH THE STALL DOOR
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SORRY LADY!! I BEAT OFF TO BLONDES, I DON'T TALK TO THEM
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SORRY, THERE IS NOT ENOUGH MEMORY TO OPEN TEACH TEXT
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SPECIAL REPORT: Are Our School Shootings Safe?
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SQUEEZING A PERFECT "S" OF TOOTHPASTE ALONG MY DICK AND BRUSHING YOUR TEETH
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Stay in school! Say no to drugs! Learn MORE about Jesus Christ! Prevent abortions! Click here!
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STOP PULLING MY PIGTAILS
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Subject: I would also like everyone to know I'm aware this mail is a hoax!!! CC:ALL
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Subject: THE STAPLER WITH MY NAME ON IT SEEMS TO HAVE "VANISHED" AGAIN!!
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Subject: WHO STOLE THE VISUAL C++ CD'S FROM MY CUBE ??? I'M AN IDIOT
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SURE LADY, I'LL HAVE PHONE SEX WITH YOU!!! *SQUIRT* GOODNIGHT!!!! clonk, ba-donk
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SYSADMINS: YOU CANNOT ASSIGN "PERSIMMONS" TO A DIRECTORY - THOSE ARE FRUITS
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TEN BILLION SHORT FLASH ANIMATIONS!!! ALL ON DVD!!!! CLICK HERE TO KILL YOURSELF
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THANKS FOR CHOPPING DOWN ALL THE TREES AND NAMING STREETS AFTER THEM
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THAT IS NOT THE SORT OF LANGUAGE I EXPECT FROM A WEB DEVELOPER
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THAT'S ABOUT ENOUGH HUMOR AT THE EXPENSE OF PEOPLE WITH TESTICULAR CANCER
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THAT'S OKAY SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS AND WE CAN TRY AGAIN IN A FEW MINUTES etc.
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THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED AND MY PANTS ARE DOWN
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THE IMPLIED UNDERSTANDING IS THAT NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT THIS PLACE
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THE INTERNET IS A GIFT FROM OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!!!
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THE LITTLE ASCII ART DUCK WHO NEVER STOPPED COMPLAINING: o< THIS SUCKS
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THE NEW BRITNEY CD SURE IS UPBEAT AND FULL OF TEEN PEP !!!!!! *GAK* roofies
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THE SAD LITTLE ASCII ART DUCK: o< SUICIDE IS THE ONLY WAY OUT
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THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT LIVING WITH TEN CATS ON NOB HILL
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THESE DIRTY MAGAZINES ARE FOR AN ART PROJECT, NOT A BEATING OFF PROJECT
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THESE LINKS ARE BLATANT HARASSMENT IN MY OPINIONATION
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THIS BONGHIT WILL MAKE ME FUNNY!!
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THIS BOOMERANG DOES NOT WORK!!!! IT IS STICK-SHAPED
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This is the hardest letter I've ever had to leave on your front porch.
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THIS IS THE UPPERCASE CLUB!! YOU NEED UPPERCASE JACKETS AND TIES TO BE HERE
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THIS JUST IN: ASDFL;KA J#*% &*$(BLG K#%V 9BU490J HGJKLTH
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THIS LOOKS MORE LIKE THE UNDERSIDE OF A TOILET AND LESS LIKE MACWORLD EXPO
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THIS PORN VIDEO HAS NO JERKOFFABLE GIRLS
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THIS SITE IS NOT FOR CHILDREN!! ONLY EDUCATED INTELLECTUALS WITH ATM CARDS
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THIS STEERING WHEEL DOWN MY PANTS IS DRIVING ME NUTS !!!!!!!!! GET IT
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TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, MASTURBATOR
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To unsubscribe from this list, enter your credit card number: ____ ____ ____ ____
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TOO DAZED WITH DICKS TO BOOKMARK THE BABYLON 5 FAQ ??? DOWNLOAD THE PDF
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T-SHIRTS!! COFFEE MUGS!! BUMPER STICKERS!! MOUSE PADS!! KILL YOURSELF THIS INSTANT
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UH-OH!! THE GUY WITH THE WORF SHIRT IS UPSET WITH HIS SHIFT LEADER !!
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UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CONCEPT OF A "MODEM WIZARD"
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UPDATE: CHRISTOPHER REEVE PUSHES HEALTH INSURANCE REFORM (WITH HIS NOSE)
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URGENT!! CLICK HERE FOR SPECIAL OFFERS AND oh fuck it already
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URGENT: PLEASE KEEP SHIFT-RELOADING THIS PAGE SO MY MODEM DOESN'T HANG UP
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URMPH *BONK* SON OF A - OW - URF *HONK* WELL THIS IS A FINE ROMANCE
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VERY FUNNY WITH THE CIGARETTE LIGHTER UNDER MY NUTS
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VIRUS ALERT!!! HURRRRRRRR *HONK* BLOWJOBS
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VISUALIZE WORLD PEACE!!!! SCREECH SMASH BOOM BURN
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Warm hearted Christian man with values seeks chubby-cheeked pre-teen dicks ($$$)
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WARNING: BONERS LOOSE IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT
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WE DON'T TALK LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSE!! SHUT UP MOM
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WE ROCKETED TO JUPITER AND DISCOVERED IT'S ALL WET GAS AND WE COULDN'T LAND
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WELCOME ${'username') WE HAVE RECOMMENDATIONS FOR YOU IN %%cookiedump%%\><DUH&
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Welcome! We have recommendations for you in assault rifles, duct tape, bomb making materials.
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WELPS - BACK TO BED UNTIL I CAN REMEMBER WHICH BUS TAKES ME TO WORK
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WELPS - GUESS I'LL WRITE AN APPLESCRIPT AND TAKE OFF FOR THE DAY
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WELPS, THE HEAD OF H.R. DIDN'T LIKE ME CALLING HER TITS AIR BAGS!!!!!
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WE'VE REPLACED YOU WITH A PIECE OF SCOTCH TAPE ACROSS THE OPTION KEY
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WHAT A GREAT DAY WITH ALL YOU PEOPLE!! I MEAN THAT!! *HURK* suicide
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WHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE WORLD FLUSHED THE TOILET AT THE SAME TIME
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WHAT IF YOU WERE SINKING IN QUICKSAND AND I THREW YOU A MOZARELLA STICK??
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WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY WOULD BE TO REGISTER BONERS.COM
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WHAT'S STRANGE IS WHY MY PANTS ARE DOWN AND THE LIGHTS ARE OFF
%
WHEN IS THAT GOSH DARN HARRY POTTER GOING TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET ??
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WHEN MIRRORS ARE OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL LOOK PRETTY AND WEAR MAKE UP
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WHEN MY PAGER VIBRATES I GET A NOSE BLEED
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WHEN YOU SAID LET'S GO OUT FOR A DRINK I THOUGHT YOU MEANT WITH AN ACTUAL GLASS
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WHETHER YOU PLAY THEM ALONE OR IN GROUPS / ONLINE GAMES ARE INFINITE LOOPS
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WHO ARE THESE IDIOT KIDS AND WHY ARE THEY CALLING ME DAD
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WHO STUFFED MY STYROFOAM SOLAR SYSTEM SHOEBOX DIORAMA DOWN THE TOILET ??
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WHO WANTS TO WATCH BUFFY WITH ME TONIGHT???? ANAL SEX FOR DESSERT!!!
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WHONK WHONK OH GOD THE PIPE IT'S HITTING THE BRIDGE OF MY NOSE 
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WHY IS NOBODY READING / DISCUSSING MY ANIMANIACS FAN FICTION ???
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WHY IS NOBOODY LAUGHING AT MY HILARIOUS WEBSITE
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WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS DOPE MY STONISH MOCKERY???
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WHY YES!!! I'D LOVE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOUR FANTASY BASKETBALL TEAM!!!
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WIGGLE YOUR TOE!!! WIGGLE YOUR TOE!!! CHRIST JESUS MOM: SHUT UP
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Win a FREE computer for $1840.00 plus $93.15 tax and $40.00 shipping
%
Win FREE school supplies, backpacks, bongs, bags of weed, pellet guns!
%
WIRED REJECTED MY ESSAY ABOUT HOW MUCH MY MOM SUCKS
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WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS I AM THE WORST POKEMON TRAINER EVER
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WITHOUT DONATIONS THERE CAN BE NO MORE FREE SODA IN THE BREAK ROOM
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WITHOUT ME, THE INSTALLER DISKETTES WOULD JUST GO UNLABELED
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WITHOUT RACISM, HOW WOULD WE TELL EACH OTHER APART ???
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WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING THEY PUT THEIR MOPS TO
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X X X PLAYBOY'S COLLEGE GIRLS I GAVE A BLACK EYE TO AND THEN TOOK MONEY FROM X X X
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YES - BUT CAN IT REALLY HELP ME WEAVE DREAMS ???
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YOU CAN ME TO THE TRASH CAN WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A GLANCE
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You have been /banned from channel bAcKstrEEt_bOyZ.
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YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED OFF CHANNEL #BRITNEYFANZ
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You have been kicked off channel #GAY_WITH_KISSES
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YOU HAVE THE **POTENTIAL** TO BE AN A STUDENT IF ONLY YOU'D just give me a blowjob
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YOU LIED ABOUT DOCTOR WHO BEING IN YOUR PANTS POCKET
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You may kiss the bride! **BLAM** OH GOD HE SHOT HIMSELF!!!! OH GOD HELP HELP
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YOU SIR HAVE MADE US THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE ENTIRE QUADRANT
%
You will soon read a generic fortune cookie.
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YOUR ORDER WITH AMAZON.COM HAS BEEN PROCESSED !!!!!!!!! *BONK* toilet bowl
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YOUR PARTICIPLES AREN'T THE ONLY THING DANGLING
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YOU'RE CORDIALLY INVITED ........... (open card) ........... TO SUCK COCK!!
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YOU'RE MAKING BEING STONED AT ONE IN THE AFTERNOON UNPLEASANT 
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YOU'RE VISITOR 000000003!! THANKS FOR STOPPING IN!!
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ZERO HITS TO MY LIVE FILK CYBERCAST ????????
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